Saturday, October 9, 2010

dear you,

2 for 1 tickets will run out.
and my favourite watch will eventually stop.
things come to an end.
have we?

am i being melodramatic?
or am i just tired of it all?
i dont like being constantly put down.
and i dont like that you would choose your weed smoking arse of a friend over me.
i dont like how you dont text back when i am sad.
and i dont like how you dont care about my problems sometimes, i know they arnt interesting, but you know i have no-one else to talk to.
i dont like you sometimes. you're so rude and obnoxious.
i dont like how you ask me whats wrong, but then when i tell you, you make me feel guilty for it.

i cant take you anymore.
dear you,

i guess life is a funny thing. one moment i feel we are happier and everything than ever before.
but sometimes i still feel alone.

and i guess you dont get that.

its not like i'm unhappy. and i still love you.
i just wonder sometimes.
i've never really been single for long, and i'm so young. am i already too dependant on someone else? do i need to be?
sometimes, i wonder if i'd just like to see what it would be like to be alone for a while.

love, grace.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

dear you,

i wish i understood what was going on with you.
i wish i knew how you thought of me. do you really care?

do i anymore?


Monday, August 30, 2010

dear you,

holy crap, i love you.
and holy crap, you love me.

when i went away, i was so scared that you would just not miss me, not fall out of love with me; i'm not that insecure anymore. but i still thought, you would just not really realise i was gone, which made it very hard when i missed you alot. i just missed your smell, and talking to you, i guess i forgot what you sounded like.
but then i got back, and turned on my phone, and aww hell, you texted me everyday, even though you knew i couldnt reply, just to like talk to me in a way. i nearly cried, no lie. because, whilst i've been away, i read a few nice 'summer romance' books, but well, none matched up to you. you are prefect for me.

we're better now than ever before. i love how when i called you we just talked about weird dreams we had whilst we were away, i can just talk about anything with you.

even if we end up breaking up badly, with arguments and the like, (i doubt we will, but you never know) i will never regret you. you're one of the best friends i've ever had, and i know i am so happy with you. i'm glad i met you.

love, grace

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dear you,

Its weird you being away, its usually me who is away, and i suddenly find myself with alot of free time just doing nothing.
I like it when you text me, saying things like how you think i'd like amsterdam, and about artist you want to show me, i like that you're thinking of me.

I did a drawing kind of thing today, its like an idea i had, crossed with the idea you had, i'm quite proud of it. jeez, i have too much spare time.

Love, grace.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

dear you,

so, i guess i love you.
you are a completley flawed imperfect human being, but i love you.
you're so volatile, argumentative, and obnoxious, and yet, if you wern't like that, there'd be something missing from you.

i guess i love how you make me feel about me.
i love myself in my own flawed, imperfect way. you love that i am clumsy, awkward and just genrally a mess, so i'm instantly less worried about being a general mess. i have my own doubts about my apperance, but hell, the more you call me beautiful and pretty, the more i can actually believe that mabye i'm not a giant ugly beast. now, you know i'm not perfect, but you still love that about me, i'm not the skinniest ever thing, but you say i'm just right for you, and thats all i want to be; just right for you.

i'm going to miss you whilst you are away for this week, and them i'm going to miss you when i am away for a few weeks soon.

i love your hands.

love, grace.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

dear you,

i've been thinking, and its not like we love each other less. it's more a different kind of love.
the novelty of a new relationship wore off, but then, the novelty of a long relationship wore off. i mean, it's great getting to a year anniversary, feels like a milestone, but then what do you look forward to next? two years dosn't seem important.

so we don't meet up at 7am anymore, we don't need to.
and so we argue, i'd have never felt comfortable enough to do that with you before.

i don't know.

i can't tell if its a good or bad thing. it's not like we are just ho-humming with existance, it's not boring being with you. it's just more comfortable, slower.

love, grace

Thursday, July 22, 2010

dear you,

i think the trip was good for us. usually when we spend a lot of time together, alot of that time is spent just rolling around kissing and what not, we clearly couldnt do this here, we just talked. and we didnt fall out, or get narky or anything, it was just nice.

you really are quite beautiful.

i liked when we were driving home on the coach, on that 7 hour journy, and you were sat infrount of me, and put your hand back, and held mine. you didnt need to, and i know you dont much like hand holding, and it was really nice. thankyou.

love, grace.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

dear you,

the last few days have been good. like really good.
i dont think i can stop myself loving you, and i can't make you love me, but i do know that you want this to work, and you want to be with me, and for now, thats enough.

i love us best when we are silly and just mess around like kids together. we should be like that more often. thankyou for staying at afterschool art with me, and thankyou for dancing to vampire weekend with me, and thankyou for gently washing the clay off my shoulders.

we're going to france on monday, with school, and i think this will either make us stronger, or completly break us down. but i'm fairly sure it will be the former. hell, we fell for each other on the first france trip.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

dear you,

sorry if i've been angry with you lately. i know you think it will all be fine, and are doing anything you can, to make it fine again. but i also know, that deep down, i kind of resent you for not loving me. but you cant really help it can you i guess.

today was better, more normal. but it still hurts quite a bit, so i'm trying to be a bit less in love with you. not like i'm ignoring you, i'm more trying to see life without you as such a focal point. instead of my universe revolving around you, i'm trying to see you as more of a planet in that solar system, still big and important, but not so much that the rest of my life crashes when you do. i think its healthier.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

dear you,
ok, so my new problem is, you say you will try harder.
i should be pleased, i should think, oh yay, he wants to have a shot at making this all better.
but instead i'm thinking this. you are forcing yourself to love me. you dont want to. when you say you will call, you wont actually want to talk to me. you will just do it because you feel you have to.
this is not going to make you fall madly in love with me. nothing can anymore can it?
all it will do, if anything, is make me fall further and further in love with you. great.
so when you eventually realise, that you just cant be bothered with the hassle of me right now, and we break up, it will be a thousand times worse.
so great. thanks.

and i know, i know you dont want to call.
because to quote you 'if i wanted to call, then i would'.
and yet, even when you promise to. you never do.
even when you know i feel down.
even when you know my friends are all out without me.
even when you know i've just had an argument with my family.
you'd still rather play on the xbox.

and thats why i hate you.
i just wish you could be bothered to even feel anything for me.


Monday, July 12, 2010

dear you,
basicly, i still love you. so so much, i think about you more than i possibly should, and i really truly wish we could be together forever. i'd like to spend all my time with you.
it hurts so much that you dont still feel this way about me. you say you still love me, but i guess its like that naff saying, 'i love you, but i'm not in love with you'. i know i love you more, and you know it too.
you dont miss me when i'm not there, but i still miss you. instead of thinking of me, you think of something else.
i know im distant sometimes, but you have no idea how much it hurts me to know this, i dont always want to kiss you, because i know that the more we do, the more in love i will fall, and the more it will hurt when this collapses. i nearly cried when you spoke to me today. i'd rather be apart, and single, than be with you when you make me feel like this.
today, when you told me that sometimes, you dont love or hate me, you are just indifferent, it killed me. at least hatred is some feeling, some kind of passion. you just dont actually care about me. and you have no idea how much that kills me everyday.
because i still love you. but i honestly wish i didnt.

love, grace.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

so, i've recently read this book called 'the catcher in the rye'.
you might have heard of it, its the most banned book apparently, or something like that.

to be honest, it didn't offend, or shock me. god, it just unnerved me.

this character, he hates fakeness, and 'phonies'. and i get his point, who actually says what they want to, not what they should. who dresses exactly how they'd like to, not how the rest of the world would like them to. who honestly acts, exactly like they feel?

and yet, we are the sane ones in this novel.

its the rest of the world that see's him as crazy.

but he is the only one who truly accepts himself.

jeez, it just gets me.

Friday, July 2, 2010

my bedside shelf;

the purple book, and the book with the flowery spine, are diaries, one past and one present. i keep them both there, one to write in most nights, and one to just kind of look at sometimes, remember things. i'm a terrible diary keeper, if i don't like something that happened, i generally don't include it in the diary, and yet, when i read back, i remember it anyway, because the absence of it is even more painfull and glaring than if i had just written it there myself. and yet, i continue, i like writing my thoughts down sometimes.

that squat, fat, little book is a dictionary. me and joe once played a game on the phone, where we tried to find the most interesting words. not like, for the meaning, but for the way you say them; whimsical, melencholy, things like that. it's still there, and i know it's not the coolest thing, but hell, it's a good memory, and i like it there.

the book at the base is 'i am the messenger', by marcus zuzak. i only realised that was still there when i took the picture. i read it at christmas time, and really it should have a place on my shelf by now, but it's my favourite book, sometimes i just like to flick through it, and read random chapters or pages. its a great book.

the catcher in the rye. i've litteraly, just started reading it today. we went to a college for a taster day today, and heard about in english. apparently, alot of famous murderers loved that book, but it was just so darn intreuging, and my dad had a copy, so i thought, what the hell, i need to read that thing.

candle holder, i just got for my birthday. ironic really, i dislike fire immensly, so i've never put candles in it, but hey, i like to pretend i'm arty and cool. so i keep it there.

not really sure about this post, but i took the picture, and liked it, so there it is.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

this is a short film i saw a while ago. i don't care that it's mabye 15 minuits long, just watch it, please, for some reason, this movie made me smile. like alot.

it just almost restores faith in humanity. people are worth helping i guess.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

one thing people look for in any relationship, is someone they can open up to, you know, tell them where it hurts. we all want friendships where we can tell our friends our problems, and our insecurities, and seek advice, or comfort. we all want a partner who listens to us.

the thing is, are we just showing them our acchilles heel?

if an argument comes, and we all fall apart, they know where to throw the spanner in the works. we have written a script of the things to say that will truly hurt us, and then allow them to use it at their disgression.

now as i'm typing this, i'm doubting what i'm typing. we don't like to think that people want to hurt us. but we all know it happens, in a fight, or a down moment, we lash out.

is it worth it? are those moments of feeling like someone cares, worth the pain we might be casuing for ourselves. sometimes, i just don't quite know.
my problem with this world, is how we shy so much away from the truth. when the manic street preachers released this album, 'journal for plauge lovers' the cover, a painting of a young girl who'd been beaten, was covered when it was sold in shops. it was offensive.

and yet, we all know that kind of thing happens. we cant ignore it. and yet we so desperatly try.

i have a friend, who every time an advert for some charity comes on, turns the channel over untill it's finished. we dont want to acknowledge the problems in the world, if we do, they suddenly become real, these starving children are real, their lives are real, they live in a real world, they live in the same world as me.

we try never to stop and think, because we know, as soon as we do, we will feel so
small, and useless in this world. and we all know, that scares the hell out of us.

so, we hide the album covers, we change the channels, and it's all fine again.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

today; my boyfriend kissed me.
i was wearing my fez.
(i like to wear it casually)
(my friend got it me from her turkish holiday)
(its red)
then he said it was the first time he had ever kissed someone in a fez.
at the exact same time, i said that i bet it was the first time he had ever kissed someone in a fez.
i'm glad we were on the same fez filled wavelength.

Monday, May 31, 2010

because i love this film.

because i love this book.

because to me, you are like chocolate. i don't love everything that goes into chocolate on its own, but i love the combination. it's perfect.

because i love summer.

stuff i love.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

trees are pretty don't you think.
i said that in my wood tech class today, and my teacher laughed at me.
its true though. thats why i took a picture of this one.

want to know a secret?

i actually love you. so so much. i love your smell, i love your eyes, i love the feel of your hair, i love the way you twitch when you laugh, i love lying with my head on your chest, and hearing you hum along to whatever folk music we decided to play, i love how you listen to music i recomend you, i love how you make me playlists, i love it when you sometimes find me funny, and i love how sometimes, i forget just how beautiful you are, and then i see you, and my heart stops, i love how you dont mind when i just want to watch life on mars, or whatever tv show im obsessing over that week, i love how you call me when you know i am upset, and i love how you actually care, i love how you carry a letter i wrote you in your wallet, i love how you draw, and i love your handwriting, i love that you just have one dimple, i love that you talk to me about anything, and i love that i can talk to you about anything, i love that i can't get you out of my mind, and i love your taste in music, i love how you can eat so much, and still be as skinny as hell, i love how you dress, i love how you think differently to everyone else i know, i love how you make me laugh, and i love that you love me back.


Saturday, April 24, 2010

I want him to remember kisses on the beach.
where wooden piers looked on.
I want him to remember, because I cant forget.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Had a really good day. Me and my friends decided to go to the beach, and despite it being freezing cold, we thought it would be fun to pretend it was summer. It was a truly great day, and we got some great - though not very attractive pictures of us running around like lunatics.

Friday, February 12, 2010

my world...

I guess I love where I live.

I come from this seaside place, near blackpool.
Blackpool can be pretty rough in places, but I was walking through the other day, and this side street just looked so pretty, in its own little way. It was like beauty in something just so average.
You might not see it, and just see a dirty alley, but to me it's beautiful.

Monday, February 8, 2010


Winter is on its way out, I can feel it.
And even though I complain about it, and even though its cold, and wet and dark, I have to say it; Winter is beautiful.

There were some days I will never ever forget.

The first day of snow in the whole winter. Jeez, that was pretty.

The day me and Joe went down to the beach with the camera, just to take pictures, I've never seen snow on a beach before, it was so weird, like snow on sand, but like really pretty too. And it was such a good day just being with him.

The colour of springtime is the flowers, the colour of winter is in the imagination - Ward Elliot Hour

Sunday, February 7, 2010

This world.

sometimes it gets me down.

I heard this nice song today, and tracked it down on youtube, it was so pretty, and sure made me smile.
So, i scrolled down to read the comments, and all there was were comments mocking the guys name. 'Ben Cocks'
I just dont get people.


I heard that Taylor Swift song 15 today.
It made me sad, I feel like i am the girl in the song.
You know, the one who gave everything to a boy, who changed his mind.
I feel like everything is so fragile.
and sometimes, i am feel like it will be forever, and i act like it will.
i dont know anymore.

when you are 15, and someone says they love you, you are gonna' believe them.

I wish...

I wish I was good at drawing.

I wish I was as pretty as Audrey Tautou.

I wish I didn't worry about things so much.

I wish I knew how you were feeling, wether you like me still, wether this is your way of pulling away.

I wish my hair was nicer.

I wish I didn't cry at all the sad films.

I wish someone would tell me things, so I don't have to hear them second hand.

I wish you were ok.

I wish someone would call me, I need to talk.

I wish my favourite film was on.

I wish you were here.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


Hi, so i guess this is a new blog.
{new year, new blog, what the hell}

I had a great day yesterday, went to see this film with joe called Daybreakers, jeez it made me jump. I think i hid for about half the film, im just no good with gore. ;-)
was a good film though, pretty good day really.

and it bloody snowed last night!

without you, todays emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's

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